Embrace the Outdoors, Metaphorically Speaking
A pep talk for entrepreneurs, if you need one. If you don’t, good on you. For everyone else, enjoy……
It took me a while to embrace being an outsider. I mean, that outsider sensation has been the fodder of countless books and films - girl walks by table, other girls sneer, but in the end she’s crowned prom queen and they all hug, she is now one of them. There’s another plot twist, she’s prom queen and the other’s realize that she was the one to aspire to all along. Either way, they all walk off together in a new found level of mutual admiration. While this may make for the perfect Netflix original, it’s not my story line. It took me a long time to figure this out and if I’m honest, I wish I’d realized this earlier, it would have been better for me and my company. The good-good take away here is that embracing your outsider status, and actually gaining from it, can come at any time. It just takes a bit of honest soul searching. If you’re an outsider, and there’s a good shot you ARE as the last I checked Regina George was not subscribed, then you’ll find this helpful. I think.
There are a few things important to know about being an outsider. First, let’s debunk the notion that perception is reality. If you’re running a business, you can PERCEIVE yourself to be wildly successful but if your REALITY is you can’t pay your employees, then there’s some inner fact checking that needs to occur. Yes, believing in yourself, in your product, has to be there. After all, it’s an entrepreneur’s sustenance. But the strategy and execution may need to be altered to fix your reality. The two can exist at the same time - you can have a great idea and you can still need to have a better or different strategy. Knowing that perception is not reality, then it follows that perceiving those on the “inside” as being wildly successful and in control, or able to positively long term effect your business, may not be the reality.
And this is REALLY IMPORTANT HERE: I’m a pragmatist. Being told to view my outsider status as positive, “see the sun where others see clouds”, isn’t enough for me. That works for a hot minute until it doesn’t, because it’s just so damn human to want to saddle up at the lunch table and share lip gloss. It wasn’t until I had physical proof that the outside was indeed better than the inside, that I was able to shake that proverbial chip off my shoulder and get on with the business of creating and recognizing true enjoyment in what I was doing.
So here’s what I know - and it only took about 23 years to realize this. Here’s hoping that this stack speeds up your timeline:
The people you view as wildly successful are actually grounded, they’re not out all night raging their shit, and they’re respectful and look at you in the eye and not over your shoulder when you’re having a conversation. If you are shaking your head no at this, then I will argue that you and I have a different concept of what it means to be successful.
Successful Guy 1: The guy whose owned a specialty store(s) for 39 years now, has never been written up a one of the Conde’s, and after years of meaningful struggles that built his character has now given away millions of hard earned revenue to charities in his community.
Or
Successful Guy 2: The guy who is name dropped in every [insert major industry trade publication name here, magazine masthead, any official “council”]. The one photographed everywhere, kisses flinging from cheek to cheek. The one who’s shuttered numerous businesses but can seemingly pontificate about the industry and the mark he’ll leave on it?
I mean reading this, you know it’s the first guy that’s the winner and the only kind of marks the second guy is likely to leave on the industry are skid marks. Facts, to me.
Knowing the obvious here - these were both real life examples from my industry- it’s incredible how often we still imagine that those inside hold the keys to our success.
The problem starts way back in the beginning when we’re conceptualizing our business, our career. Many of us are focused on writing 15 step business plans and strategic goals. We even write out life aspirations - be happy, be healthy - and identify your mentors. But what I find incredibly helpful is to build the character you aspire to (I use character here as a double entendre). It won’t be one individual, you’ll choose elements from people you respect, like little building blocks - what you create will look more like a lego character than an action figure.
When you do this, it will help you isolate what you admire in different individuals. It also helps you realize nothing is one dimensional, so perfectly right or wrong, often good comes with bad, perfection with flaw. I can see that when writing out the attributes of those I admire and take from:
My lego character is made up of qualities from individuals that some may object to - for whatever reason. And you see, this is an important point here. Just as individuals are many layered, so is the establishment you crave to be part of. To help you break this down, sketch out a little diagram. Instead of viewing being part of the establishment as the end success, take it apart piece by piece. Unpack what it is you are really seeking and identify other places that can give you this:
Above I’ve broken down one of the hallmarks of success - “recognition.” Now go one step further and figure out what that will actually do for you - from what “group” do you want recognition? I’ll tell you right now, if your instinct was just friends & peers and the establishment, you may be a shallow little fuck. You may want to work on that or at least own it. Your choice, obviously. What it needs to be (my opinion), what is actionable, is recognition amongst your current and future customers. You want that because it will give you visibility (they’ll know you exist, they’ll know your product) and credibility (price value, comfort buying from you). You need both of these things so you can get on to building relationships so that you can grow your sales. And have success.
What you need to know is that the blocks of “visibility” and “credibility” can be derived from different resources other than “the establishment.” And while I’m not going to pretend that it is easy to figure out the places that are economical and feasible to gain visibility, or the marketing strategy to establish credibility, it is something that is within your control. And it’s lasting and authentic, because rather than bestowed upon you, you built it.
You know by now I don’t believe in either/ors. I’m more of an either/some or neither/but type. Those who have been anointed by the establishment are neither good nor bad. Some are very creative hard workers, but some are not so much. No matter which it is, if you are a true outsider, it has nothing to do with you at the end of the day. Focus on the injustice of it all and you’ll be bitter and distracted - I know this, I see it happen all the time. And I’ve experienced it myself. Do what is in your control and I’m telling you, statistically speaking, the outsider who embraces their outsider-ness will win every time. I have proof it’s good for your business, because it’s what we’ve done here. At Tibi. 27 years in business and I can count on one finger the articles written in a magazine on our brand that has thrived never more so than in the last many years when I really released any insider aspirations. But I promise this isn’t new - authenticity and character may be the headlines right now but it’s always been the trend - it just would have been cool had I leaned in to this earlier.
You see, once you embrace the outdoors, there’s a sense of freedom you will feel. Why would you do something to please someone you don’t really want to hang with at the end of the day? Why would you make something they’ll love and want to promote when you in general don’t love what they promote? Let go of these perceptions, enjoy the fresh air and you’ll plunge forward in a way that will seem almost reckless, to anyone but another outsider.
And for the record, that’s how you’ll find your peeps. And will the outsiders come calling to be part of your club? No. That’s only in the movies. I recommend “She’s All That” if you’d like to watch the fictional version of this story.
I literally had a sign printed up and framed (on Etsy) that says YOU ARE AN OUTSIDER. It hangs in my home office. It’s there to remind me not to chase the kind of approval that I don’t actually even want — not as a person and especially not as a writer.