A touching, but now very familiar, moment

On my last night in Paris

I want to share a story with you. It is starting to feel very familiar to me, but it doesn’t get old because each time it makes me think. And it makes me so very grateful for the direction life has taken me here, as the Founder and Creative Director of Tibi.

On my last night in Paris, my son and I were sitting at a small table for two at our favorite haunt L’as Du Fallafel. We were in the back, the original side of the restaurant, centered in the middle. A woman sat alone at the table directly to my left, dressed in a burgundy-ish fleece pullover, wearing jeans I think, and a very functional shoe for walking. She made eye contact, we did as well, but we were exhausted after ten days of traveling between London and Paris Fashion Week. I just wanted to eat my falafel.

“Do you come here often?” She asked. “Yes.” I replied, reverting my eyes back to the sticky menu.

“This is my first time, do you live in Paris? “No” I replied, as I looked to the waiter and told him I would have the special falafel sandwich in an accent courtesy of Duolingo and which no one in Paris recognizes as anything resembling French.

She persisted the conversation, and I and my son are better for it. She told us she was visiting from Colorado and had moved to the U.S. only 10 years ago from Iraq. Her father fought in the Iraqi army, and this was the first time she had been to Paris. She had always heard about the Marais and she wanted to explore the area, her religious roots, and experience true Paris. She explained that she is a doctor and that many people in Colorado ask her the same questions that I immediately did, about her experiences in Iraq and how she grapples with her feelings towards her new country. She told me wherever she goes, the reality is she meets people, often really good people and that is where she focuses and takes console.

She asked “what do you do for a living?”

I told her I have a clothing brand, called Tibi, that I started over 27 years ago and that we show the collection to our global stores each season in Paris.

She asked me “what is the philosophy behind my designs?”

Hmm… that’s not the usual question I get from an individual - the press yes, people not so much. I answered:

“I think it’s incredibly important that your visual style match who you are on the inside. And that when those two are opposed to each other, it creates angst and conflict. It is often the source of tension and when people realize where it’s coming from, and they learn they can rectify that, it is consoling, and I hope my clothing and what we do every day helps people.”

And she started crying.

This woman who was a complete stranger moments ago was crying because of what I said and so we hugged. She said this hit so hard, that she had not been able to express who she was in Colorado, and that being here in Paris reminded her that this was a part of her, and that she needed to not be dressed like someone else. She said she had gone to an H&M earlier that day in an attempt to find herself but left overwhelmed and disheartened. She said that growing up, her mother and sister loved fashion so much, they were so chic but that she had somehow been conditioned to think it so superficial. She needed to hear that it was ok, that looking like yourself is intrinsically connected to feeling like yourself and being able to express who you are to others just simply, well, it makes sense that that’s important.

She offered to share her mint lemonade with me, we talked more and we left. I hope she DM’s me and I hope I have not revealed too much here about her identity and breached an unspoken trust.

I think about this exchange and how important this and similar moments have become. As an introvert, the industry I signed up for always left me feeling a bit sick even though it may appear to some I’m enjoying skating the surface in a superficial conversation about whether Slimane will go to Chanel (I don’t care) or whether Bohemian will be a raging trend (I super don’t care). My reality is, I prefer these real and personal conversations every time, and prior to 2020, they were far and few between. Of course I would meet people with whom exuded a realness and I could talk for hours. And likely many of those who I found unbearable in my industry are perhaps assuming the same as me, and we skate on the surface thinking that neither has interest in diving below.

No matter, I know that when my son witnesses these conversations as he has so often now- with random individuals or customers - that he is filled with a sense of purpose that I could never realize in my first two decades of business.

I love what I do now, and I see it amongst our team as well. Now is different. I’m so glad to have one toe in my industry, and the rest of my body fully planted in this other, far meaningful, world.