Gosh, as someone who has had it “work out” and then faced new, unforeseen obstacles, or had it “work out” as I dreamed and then had things shift… I guess as I get older I define “working out” as making peace with where I am. We dream of leaving it all behind and moving somewhere, but honestly the older I get the more I value my community and appreciate how hard it is to start over. Not that I wouldn’t - I love an adventure - more like an appreciation for what I have rather than being afraid of what I don’t know. I really like that you put numbers to this conversation. Lately when I talk with friends we are candid about our finances and choices, and this helps me so much. Some of us have way more and some less - but why doesn’t anyone talk about what it really looks like to “have enough.” What if I actually have enough but I think I don’t because everyone else has more? What if I have “grass is greener” syndrome and I really did have it all? And then I find out I’m okay? I like that you put numbers to the conversation because that’s how we justify a lot of things. But maybe it’s more than that and I think that’s what you’re asking. What is it. It’s become so hard for us to define because it’s very individual. Your soul has to speak. Yet you also have to eat and want your fun things. And it’s so hard to hear with so many voices! Which none of our parents had. Maybe they could hear the inside voices better.
Thank you so much for this. Yes numbers are important in that they can sometimes be so unimportant. If the focus is on the number, but the real goal was happy/content, you may not recognize it when you reach your goal if the numbers don’t reflect it. Right?
What stands out to me from your survey is that fear - whether financial, career-related, or personal - seems to be the dominant theme. Sounds like 'working out' is very closely linked to avoiding unexpected or unpleasant outcomes, which ultimately ties back to a lack of confidence in one’s ability to adapt when things don’t go as planned. I wonder how we got here?
On relocating - I’ve lived in four different countries and move to a new one every year for at least two months (Zurich in 18 days, can't wait!) as I am I looking for 2-3 places to build my life around more permanently. I’m lucky to be single and have a job that allows for this flexibility. But even if moving every year isn’t an option, I highly recommend not just traveling but actually spending time living in new environments whenever possible.
Interesting.....I want to be precise and simple by saying "not working out" just means you were better off before making some change ..... the key for me is simple you must have FUCK YOU $$$$..... you hate Northeast winters and move, your boss is sadistic, you walk out, the doctor gives you a terrible diagnosis and unsustainable treatment!!!..... you have the resources, and I hate to be so crude but the "bucks" to fix most things.... Move back to the Northeast, buy a more beautiful home. Feel the freedom from a superior who mind fucks and cripples you..... yes, you have the resources to live well until the next opportunity seems workable, yes, I am horrified to hear bad medical news but my dollars can help me find more information, new studies, different paths to explore better treatment. Can the dollars make me happy.....I hope one is not that shallow we need people but those bucks come in handy when the obstacles are really tough.......just sayin....🤷♀️ s.
Years ago I would have defined ‘working out’ as me having health, shelter, nourishment., and good healthy relationships with loved ones. The ability to continue to learn and grow and be free is also important. I would say ‘safety and security’ but do those actually exist? I agree with Susan, F*** YOU money is a good thing. I have never had F YOU money but I have said F YOU in a very big way. Yes, it was risky, yes it involved a move or two (another country/another state and another), and, yes it was a bit painful for a while but you know what? I survived it and kept learning and growing and I consider risk to be a necessary part of moving forward in life…of LIVING. Making a mistake and losing money, things, or people along the way sometimes happens. Sometimes people need to be lost. Now, as a 55-year-old and a CP, my risks are more critically thought about before taking them but even now, I would go back and do it all over again. The risks I have taken gave me the freedom to choose my own path. That said, I guess ‘working out’ to me means the freedom to choose.
Ive jumped into the deep end and am taking my risk now. I’m setting up a business in strategy consulting. Ultimately working out to me is being able to work flexibly so I can spend more time with my kids while they are young while also growing professionally. There’s a practical side of needing to earn a certain amount of money to afford to live and also daycare but it’s actually only $50k. And if I only earned $50k, I would probably be spending a lot of time with my kids. If I earned $300k, I would be working full time there less time with my kids but we would be able to go on nicer holidays and own nicer things. I’ve only just started this month so my earnings are $0 but I have the trust and belief it’ll work out.
I'm very curious about the people who would have moved, were the economy / housing supply / etc. better, and what they're doing instead. The data in the Atlantic article implies they exist. Certainly there are some people happier staying put in either circumstance, but for the people who wish they could start over but can't-- I wonder what their lives look like.
This is fascinating and yet I'm struggling how to answer because I'm not seeing this in absolute (this or that amount of money, this or that fear gone). I see it as small steps that get you from wanting something to getting that something. I've moved countries twice: once involving crossing the Atlantic. I never ponder would it worked out, the desire was so large that I didn't give the "working out" part a second thought. I wanted to do it and did it. Is that reckless or brave? Probably both. Six months ago, at the tender age of 55, I left my job to advise an AI powered start up so that I could gain competitive advantage. I can recognize that was a bold move, especially at a time when ageism is rampant. So I guess for me the answer to the question is that when it feels that it needs to be done, you take the risk and you do it and then do your hardest to make sure that it works out. And the definition of "work out" is whatever the objective of making the move was in the first place :-)
Worked out.. existing on my own dime as a geriatric engaging in traveling and joy and not depending on my kids to take care of me financially.
But emotionally, they’ll never get rid of me😈😈😈😈.
If I could make any change, I’d love to live abroad in Europe- Italy/england/Spain.. My job doesn’t translate there unfortunately and to not do what I do, huge pay cut🤷🏽♀️. And I like expensive stuff so it’s a no go.
Fascinating. I’ve moved to a different part of the country once for work, once for my husband’s work and a third time for work/love. I can’t wait to move again not because I’m unhappy but because I have other dreams in other places to fulfill. I can’t imagine anchoring to one spot for a lifetime no matter where it is.
I grew up in a family that moved a lot for my father’s work, and I have moved for my own job and for my partner’s… and what I regret most is what my European friends have: the ability to stay close to family. My parents have chosen to live far from their grandkids bc they don’t like the politics or the weather of New England, but then, I don’t like the politics or other things about where they are, either, so it’s not like I’ve tried to move there! I don’t want that to be different enough to make the sacrifice… but I wish our culture valued staying close to family more highly!
(Sorry that’s a little off topic… I guess for me there is no world in which living in suburban TX “works out!”) I think for the most part my risks have worked out—I’m outwardly successful and inwardly satisfied—which puts me in the wrong place to answer the question.
My mind works in such a different way that I had no idea what these 3 categories referred to. I had to go back and reread several times and I think they are in answer to "how do you define working out." My big risks have always been moving, including to a different country, never with a place to live or job yet figured out. "Working out" meant simply building a cool life in the new place but I never even thought to quantify what that meant in dollars or any other metric. I trusted I would figure it out--an adventure in the making.
I am also wondering if people don't move as much because with so much remote work, they don't have to go to a different city to find a new "desk predicated" job anymore. You can have a "big city" salary and live in a place that has the community, connection, maybe family and a lifestyle you like, no move required.
Gosh, as someone who has had it “work out” and then faced new, unforeseen obstacles, or had it “work out” as I dreamed and then had things shift… I guess as I get older I define “working out” as making peace with where I am. We dream of leaving it all behind and moving somewhere, but honestly the older I get the more I value my community and appreciate how hard it is to start over. Not that I wouldn’t - I love an adventure - more like an appreciation for what I have rather than being afraid of what I don’t know. I really like that you put numbers to this conversation. Lately when I talk with friends we are candid about our finances and choices, and this helps me so much. Some of us have way more and some less - but why doesn’t anyone talk about what it really looks like to “have enough.” What if I actually have enough but I think I don’t because everyone else has more? What if I have “grass is greener” syndrome and I really did have it all? And then I find out I’m okay? I like that you put numbers to the conversation because that’s how we justify a lot of things. But maybe it’s more than that and I think that’s what you’re asking. What is it. It’s become so hard for us to define because it’s very individual. Your soul has to speak. Yet you also have to eat and want your fun things. And it’s so hard to hear with so many voices! Which none of our parents had. Maybe they could hear the inside voices better.
Thank you so much for this. Yes numbers are important in that they can sometimes be so unimportant. If the focus is on the number, but the real goal was happy/content, you may not recognize it when you reach your goal if the numbers don’t reflect it. Right?
What stands out to me from your survey is that fear - whether financial, career-related, or personal - seems to be the dominant theme. Sounds like 'working out' is very closely linked to avoiding unexpected or unpleasant outcomes, which ultimately ties back to a lack of confidence in one’s ability to adapt when things don’t go as planned. I wonder how we got here?
On relocating - I’ve lived in four different countries and move to a new one every year for at least two months (Zurich in 18 days, can't wait!) as I am I looking for 2-3 places to build my life around more permanently. I’m lucky to be single and have a job that allows for this flexibility. But even if moving every year isn’t an option, I highly recommend not just traveling but actually spending time living in new environments whenever possible.
Oh so interesting. And side note, Sarah and I will be in Zurich in April!
Interesting.....I want to be precise and simple by saying "not working out" just means you were better off before making some change ..... the key for me is simple you must have FUCK YOU $$$$..... you hate Northeast winters and move, your boss is sadistic, you walk out, the doctor gives you a terrible diagnosis and unsustainable treatment!!!..... you have the resources, and I hate to be so crude but the "bucks" to fix most things.... Move back to the Northeast, buy a more beautiful home. Feel the freedom from a superior who mind fucks and cripples you..... yes, you have the resources to live well until the next opportunity seems workable, yes, I am horrified to hear bad medical news but my dollars can help me find more information, new studies, different paths to explore better treatment. Can the dollars make me happy.....I hope one is not that shallow we need people but those bucks come in handy when the obstacles are really tough.......just sayin....🤷♀️ s.
Years ago I would have defined ‘working out’ as me having health, shelter, nourishment., and good healthy relationships with loved ones. The ability to continue to learn and grow and be free is also important. I would say ‘safety and security’ but do those actually exist? I agree with Susan, F*** YOU money is a good thing. I have never had F YOU money but I have said F YOU in a very big way. Yes, it was risky, yes it involved a move or two (another country/another state and another), and, yes it was a bit painful for a while but you know what? I survived it and kept learning and growing and I consider risk to be a necessary part of moving forward in life…of LIVING. Making a mistake and losing money, things, or people along the way sometimes happens. Sometimes people need to be lost. Now, as a 55-year-old and a CP, my risks are more critically thought about before taking them but even now, I would go back and do it all over again. The risks I have taken gave me the freedom to choose my own path. That said, I guess ‘working out’ to me means the freedom to choose.
Ive jumped into the deep end and am taking my risk now. I’m setting up a business in strategy consulting. Ultimately working out to me is being able to work flexibly so I can spend more time with my kids while they are young while also growing professionally. There’s a practical side of needing to earn a certain amount of money to afford to live and also daycare but it’s actually only $50k. And if I only earned $50k, I would probably be spending a lot of time with my kids. If I earned $300k, I would be working full time there less time with my kids but we would be able to go on nicer holidays and own nicer things. I’ve only just started this month so my earnings are $0 but I have the trust and belief it’ll work out.
I'm very curious about the people who would have moved, were the economy / housing supply / etc. better, and what they're doing instead. The data in the Atlantic article implies they exist. Certainly there are some people happier staying put in either circumstance, but for the people who wish they could start over but can't-- I wonder what their lives look like.
This is fascinating and yet I'm struggling how to answer because I'm not seeing this in absolute (this or that amount of money, this or that fear gone). I see it as small steps that get you from wanting something to getting that something. I've moved countries twice: once involving crossing the Atlantic. I never ponder would it worked out, the desire was so large that I didn't give the "working out" part a second thought. I wanted to do it and did it. Is that reckless or brave? Probably both. Six months ago, at the tender age of 55, I left my job to advise an AI powered start up so that I could gain competitive advantage. I can recognize that was a bold move, especially at a time when ageism is rampant. So I guess for me the answer to the question is that when it feels that it needs to be done, you take the risk and you do it and then do your hardest to make sure that it works out. And the definition of "work out" is whatever the objective of making the move was in the first place :-)
Worked out.. existing on my own dime as a geriatric engaging in traveling and joy and not depending on my kids to take care of me financially.
But emotionally, they’ll never get rid of me😈😈😈😈.
If I could make any change, I’d love to live abroad in Europe- Italy/england/Spain.. My job doesn’t translate there unfortunately and to not do what I do, huge pay cut🤷🏽♀️. And I like expensive stuff so it’s a no go.
Fascinating. I’ve moved to a different part of the country once for work, once for my husband’s work and a third time for work/love. I can’t wait to move again not because I’m unhappy but because I have other dreams in other places to fulfill. I can’t imagine anchoring to one spot for a lifetime no matter where it is.
I grew up in a family that moved a lot for my father’s work, and I have moved for my own job and for my partner’s… and what I regret most is what my European friends have: the ability to stay close to family. My parents have chosen to live far from their grandkids bc they don’t like the politics or the weather of New England, but then, I don’t like the politics or other things about where they are, either, so it’s not like I’ve tried to move there! I don’t want that to be different enough to make the sacrifice… but I wish our culture valued staying close to family more highly!
(Sorry that’s a little off topic… I guess for me there is no world in which living in suburban TX “works out!”) I think for the most part my risks have worked out—I’m outwardly successful and inwardly satisfied—which puts me in the wrong place to answer the question.
My mind works in such a different way that I had no idea what these 3 categories referred to. I had to go back and reread several times and I think they are in answer to "how do you define working out." My big risks have always been moving, including to a different country, never with a place to live or job yet figured out. "Working out" meant simply building a cool life in the new place but I never even thought to quantify what that meant in dollars or any other metric. I trusted I would figure it out--an adventure in the making.
I am also wondering if people don't move as much because with so much remote work, they don't have to go to a different city to find a new "desk predicated" job anymore. You can have a "big city" salary and live in a place that has the community, connection, maybe family and a lifestyle you like, no move required.
What’s interesting is the drop off happened early 2000s so pre remote work. I have thoughts here but need to mull on them more…